Tag: psychological book review

asitreallyhappened# 3: How to find love – only for single marketers

asitreallyhappened# 3: How to find love – only for single marketers

How to find Love

School of Life, 2017. Pp. 80. £10.00 ISBN 978-0-9955736-9-7


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With a precious company of a couples beers, two girls were talking about how difficult is to find a real partner. The reasons were clear: boys and girls have their complicated way to communicate with potential lovers. Moreover, how easy is to fail in the choice or the vagueness of the “right one”. Don’t worry, there is a promising book: How to find love by School of Life. It is a 80 pages of deep philosophical/psychological approach about how to refine our search of love. So here, some lines to motivate you to get the book.


School of Life is a global organisation dedicated to develop emotional intelligence. The global organization has a psychological and philosophical background. They simply take those knowledge to provide a different way to see the world and in particular, the human beings’ complexity.

This mess started with arriving of the Romanticism. The introduction of the book is a revision about where the current idea of love comes from: Romanticism. All details point out how Western societies have taught us about what love is and how to choose our partners. Explicitly, we choose using three instincts: completion, endorsement and familiarity. So the next pages are about how those instincts play a huge role in the process of feeling in love with someone.

The game of the instincts. The second part of the book reveals how those three instincts play a game in the relationships or in the searching for love. This part uncovers some (essential) concepts which help the readers to understand what it is actually happening during a date or during a normal afternoon with our partners. The instincts of completion – the things are missing in ourselves but they are in our partners or potential lovers; the instincts of endorsement – the ability of other to understand what it is happening inside us; and most interesting, the instincts of familiarity – the qualities of others we see as a result of a sort of legacy or the qualities we reject because they are similar to our parents.

Here is the problem. How those instincts impact on our searching or on our current relationship is the central point of the third part. In here, SOL reveals how the instinct of completion plays a role against our own self – improvement, or how the instinct of endorsement affects our self – knowledge of feelings and emotions and communication with our partners/potential lovers, troubling the opportunities of fulfilment, or how instincts of familiarity makes us to choose the “wrong one”. Readers can find in this part common and practical scenarios in our ordinary lives.

But there is a solution. No doubts that every issue has a simple solution. It is because we can take those instincts and make them play a favorable role. The point in here is not going against them or change the partner, or change the types or remove them from our complex nature. It is about how to use them in a way we can take the opportunities we have in front of, not improving our choices but our abilities to make the relationship more pleasurable or see in others the land of emotional developing.

In overall. The book does not pretend to be a self – help guide or manual to find love but a way to see from other perspective, the situations we have to face in our ordinary lives. In particular for singletons, the book is a promise of mature love research, a “place” where the real cards are on the table. It explains to us that how to find love starts looking at yourself in a compassionate and smart way, highlighting how complex we are, why we should give chances to others to show us those hilarious things they have to bring up and moreover, how foolish we could (and must be) in front of our potential lovers.

In 80 pages, the book tries to let the readers know that it is a myth that we do not have options. Yes, there are, over there, walking on the street. It is a matter to go out from our solitude, understand that nobody is perfect and we are complex human beings, capable to love and be loved.